Make every shot, a POWER shot.

Monday, December 07, 2009 - :

So mum went for her doctor appointment today. Thank God, it wasn't the worst that i thought it would be but unfortunately... it was still bad news... :(

The new chemo drug has caused the tumour cells to produce some fluid/water that was surrounding the heart, between the lungs and the heart actually. She needs to go for an effusion op to remove the fluid, otherwise this fluid will build up and cause breathing difficulties (which she's already having). Its scheduled to be next week, after her birthday (14 Dec). I can't believe my mum has to go through this. Even on the week of her big 50. I'm praying that she'll get through the op fine, and there'll be no complications. Whenever I hear the word ops, I'll be afraid. Back in Nov 5, 2007, it was the knee op that they found out that mum has cancer... that metasized to the knee.

I went to Tracey Salter today, my uni's course coordinator. She was heartless. I told her i need to be back this weekend. She knows about my situation, yet asked "what's SO impt that you have to be back earlier?" hello? my mum has cancer! and I just want to be with her? Is there a problem that i wanna go back earlier? Furthermore, i've done ALL my 4 projects over the weekend, and ready to submit them. Tracey went on about how my attendance being very poor cos i missed 2 weeks of uni in Oct cos i was back in Singapore. Despite all that hoohah, I still went ahead with my plans, to change my flight to this sat, just in time for her 50th party on Sunday.

Can't wait to be back, to hug my shrinking mother tightly.

chelsea blogged at 10:47 PM

Saturday, December 05, 2009 - :

Mum's birthday's in a week. and i really wanna be back earlier in Singapore to celebrate her 50th. I'm just hoping my uni will allow me to.

Mum went for her CT scan on friday, the doctor requested to see her earlier i.e monday instead of wednesday next week. I'm afraid, well everyone is. It seems like bad news... and i wish i was with mum, with my arms embracing her as the doctor speaks, whether good or bad, i just wished i was there. I pray, that she'll be alright.

I've been crying. Too much. What was i thinking when i came over to Melbourne? Was I being selfish cos i wanted to pursue my dreams of being a dentist? I should have stayed, to be by mum's side. I know that's what she needs most. Having to instruct my brothers and dad from OZ to do this and that for mum, why couldn't I just have stayed in Sg and just do it myself?

Mum sounded better on the phone today though. and that made me happy for a bit.

chelsea blogged at 10:50 PM

Monday, November 30, 2009 - :

I know, my blog's not updated since forever. but i needed to talk to someone, or at least express myself. So i thought of you... blog.

Mum's new medication has been giving her heaps of side effects. I call/sms/skype my mum everyday. And the only time I don't, is when she goes on "sick leave" - which is when the side effects occur. I'm feeling this sense of uneasiness, and like something's missing whenever I don't hear my mum's voice. And then this leads to more problems, not concentrating in my revision (with my final biology exam in 2 days - yes, the FINAL biology exam that was meant to be in Jan 2010), the empty inbox that's only filled with my mum's saved smses. the temporary inactive skype account... and maybe a couple of less smiles and a tear or so. Or maybe more

I can't wait to go home, really. At least I get to see my mum and that might take that whole load of worry that distance has contributed to. I've been praying, cos i'm so unsure what's gonna happen next, I mean't my life, my future.

I failed the ISAT test twice, the 5 unis i applied for couldn't accept me cos of the ISAT results.
Hence, I'm left with completing this foundation studies, back to Singapore to either work, or just devote my whole of next year being with my loved one - mum. I think what mum needs most isn't any material neither is she looking for a cure. But she needs me, her daughter. I'm affirmative.

You see blog, life rotates around problems. From family, to health to friends to relationships to work to..... it never ends. Like my mum once told me, "Don't tell God that you've got a big problem, but tell the problem that you've got a BIG God." Religion, it's pulled me through all.

And then i have this problem of friendships, how I've always treated my friends well and i'll stop when it comes to a point that :

a) they don't respect me
b) takes advantage of me
c) hits/slaps me
d) pretending nothing happened when smth really happened
e) makes awkward expand to a-w-k-w-a-r-d-e-rrr
f) and lies that they think a 20 year old would never find out

All these anger, has soaked my tears up from the earlier part. Which is good, now i'm going to get some revision done
brb

chelsea blogged at 7:22 PM

Wednesday, November 05, 2008 - :

Paintball with the Troop